tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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