New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
