mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
