Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
