He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
