you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
