Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
