OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
