I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
