Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
