I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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