I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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