So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
