You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
