Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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