Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
worst night to have a conscience
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Randomize
