He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
