Pappa wants mamma naked
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
