I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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