yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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