Your dad touched me again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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