Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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