I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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