kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
