I'm going to jail i love you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
