Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
