she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Michael Bay diarrhea
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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