I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I smell stomach acid.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
