It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize