Non-Jews are for practice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
