At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
