Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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