Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
