"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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