Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
