sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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