her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
