i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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