I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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