Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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