STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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