remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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