I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
