i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
