Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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