I hope mine doesn't look like that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
