he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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