why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
