Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
