youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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