Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
