so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible