No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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