you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.