I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.