Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
