At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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