I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize