Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
