my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
