Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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